And If Not, Why Not?
It's hard to feel truly happy if you don't love yourself, or if certain problems get in the way of loving yourself fully. What are these problems, and how do they interfere?
Internalizations
As you developed, your parents reacted to you in various ways. Hopefully, they loved you very much. If they didn't, why not? Were you unwanted? Did you behave in a way that didn't meet their needs? (For instance, were you vigorous when they wanted a cuddly baby?) Did they develop a negative transference to you (For example, did they transfer onto you an image of a disliked parent?) We all internalize images of our parents, which form mental pathways in our minds that become part of our own identity. A parent's dislike becomes our own dislike of ourself.
Self-Criticism
Your internalization of your parents' views of you included their criticisms of your various imperfections. Were they hypercritical? And are you now hypercritical of yourself? Were their expectations for you unrealistically high? And do you now criticize yourself for not achieving unrealistic goals? Did they expect you to develop certain characteristics that you didn't (being your own person)? But are you now critical of yourself because you lack those characteristics that you were taught were desirable?
Lack of Necessary Qualities
Were you not taught to be diligent, persistent, generous; to tolerate frustration, to maintain appropriate boundaries, to respect others? To the extent that you have not developed these qualities, you will have difficulties navigating life, and although you may blame others for your troubles, you won't be happy with yourself, either.
Problematic Habits
As we grow and develop, we need to respond to the various problems and discomforts that confront us. When young, our resources are limited. The solutions that we come up with may not serve us well later in our development. What kinds of habits might these be? Procrastination, overeating, perseveration (mind chatter), etc. And feelings are also habits: anxiety, depression, irritability, even shame and guilt. All of these get in the way of loving oneself.
Can You Become More Fully Loving of Yourself?
Using the Emotional Comfort® Tool, you can achieve periods of peacefulness and calm. And if you wish for a new mental pathway that will work to increase your comfort, this pathway, which has access to your entire memory bank, will understand the origins of the problems that get in the way of your being able to fully love yourself. As you do self-hypnosis regularly, this pathway, which understands the origins of your problems, will work to free you of them, so that you can enjoy fully loving yourself.
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