And Do You Even Realize It?
One of the most frequent misplaced priorities is the notion that one should put others before oneself. In some cultural circles, this is drummed into children’s' heads. An extreme example: A woman I knew, who, as a child, was placed with relatives because her own mother was unable to care for her, was taught that she should give her toys to less fortunate children. Having lost her mother, she was now expected to lose even her toys.
Most of us have been spared this extreme situation; nevertheless, in being taught that it is good to care for other people, we may at times be confused about the extent to which we should prioritize others' wellbeing over our own. And some people I have known, patients and others, have developed a habit of selflessness.
How Does the Habit of Selflessness Originate?
It originates from an inner conflict for which selflessness seems the best choice. If a child's parent tells her to be helpful to others even when she doesn't want to be, her choice is to comply or to rebel. And if she rebels, she will suffer the disapproval of her parent. If the prospect of experiencing the disapproval is more distressing than complying, she will comply. With repeated experiences, and with the internalization of her parent's expectation, she will develop a habit of putting others first.
How Does this Compromise One's Comfort?
People who develop the habit of selflessness typically don't realize that it is a forced situation; they accept it as a given. Isn't everyone supposed to be this way? No. And because it is done in a context of self-deprivation it is a joyless burden and is fatiguing.
Having Clarity About Helping
On the other hand, when a person is free to comfortably put herself first, she will feel well taken care of. She will truly want to give to others when it is appropriate and will enjoy doing so.
The Emotional Comfort® Tool
As I mentioned last week, The Emotional Comfort® Tool is but a first step in the process of dealing with discomforts and problems. While using it, if you wish for a new mental pathway dedicated to helping you with a specific problem, the new pathway will come into existence and work to solve that problem...provided you do self-hypnosis regularly (because the pathway can only work effectively while you are in the self-hypnotic state).
But what if you accept an uncomfortable habit as a given, as people who are selfless do? How can you ask for help with something that you don't realize is a problem?
The Inner Guide Pathway
As I mentioned last week, it is possible to create a new mental pathway, which I call an "Inner Guide," that has access to your entire memory bank. It can learn all of your discomforts and problems, even ones that you may not realize are problematic because you have accepted them as givens. Working behind the scenes, out of your awareness, it gradually solves these problems. If you have had problems knowing when to put yourself first and when to help others, it will solve that problem. And as your Inner Guide works to solve all your problems, including any givens that you have, you will feel increasingly comfortable and effective.
I will soon be offering a course on how to create your own Inner Guide. In the meantime, if you haven't already done so, get the Emotional Comfort® Tool and develop a regular practice of self-hypnosis. Then you'll be assured of success when you create your own Inner Guide.
GET THE EMOTIONAL COMFORT® Tool
