Do You React Emotionally to Them?
My computer (a laptop) recently showed its age by losing its charge very rapidly; and I was told that, at seven years of age, it was ending its useful life and should be replaced. And so, it was. But on my new laptop, simply a new model of the one I previously had, many things work differently, and this can be very frustrating. What’s more, with an updated version of Microsoft Office installed, that seemed to work differently, too. All of this has created an annoying learning curve, and the need for multiple sessions with my IT person.
At the same time, I was also having trouble with my YouTube channels. One of them worked fine but access to the second one kept disappearing, and the access procedure needed to be recreated each time I wanted to access it. My IT person was able to explain why this was happening and showed me how to avoid it.
Typical Reactions to Problems
I know others who have had similar problems, and they get so frustrated, so angry, so tense, that they are made miserable. This doesn’t happen to me. I register the intellectual knowledge that an event is frustrating, but I don’t react emotionally to it. (I am aware that something is frustrating, but I don’t feel frustrated). Why don’t I?
How an Uncomfortable Response Originates
When something doesn’t work as it should, the mind registers this as a threat; and the response to a threat is aggression, part of which is the feeling of anger. If the threat also involves danger (i.e. if the difficulties with a computer cause missed deadlines, resulting in criticism or worse) the response may include a feeling of anxiety or outright fear.
From infancy onward, we react to the disturbance of a threat with anger, and to danger with anxiety or fear. These become habitual responses. These feelings are a partial solution, because they decrease the disturbance by discharging some of the tension that it causes; but they are not a true solution because they don’t solve the problem (e.g. a laptop that doesn’t work as expected). (The true solution, in this case, is simply to get the help that is needed.)
How This Can be Changed
To break the habit of reacting with an uncomfortable emotion, such as anger or anxiety, it is necessary to create a pause between the stimulus (a malfunctioning laptop) and the response (anger), to provide the necessary time for a different solution to be chosen. An Inner Guide knows how to create that pause (I’ve described that process in previous blogs), thus enabling your mind to choose a different solution (such as getting the problem fixed) and to avoid feeling angry.
But, you ask, wouldn’t you still feel angry while waiting for the help you need? No, because another aspect of the true solution is knowing that the problem isn’t all that important. The IT person will appear on Zoom and fix things. But that entails an unexpected expense. Yes, but that’s just part of life; we know that we must sometimes ask an IT person for help, and that it will necessitate an expense.
The Inner Guide
Your Inner Guide is working to enable you to avoid uncomfortable feelings when something isn’t working as it should. If you’ve had your Inner Guide for a while, this is probably already happening. If you just acquired your Inner Guide recently, give it time to achieve this result. If you don’t yet have an Inner Guide, you can acquire one, for free, here: https://emotionalcomfort.com/blog/post/you-can-acquire-an-inner-guide-part-4
