Is Your Reaction More Intense than Makes Sense?
Some of you are currently experiencing the loss of someone you care about. The loss may be profound: a death. Or it may be less extreme but still very painful: a divorce or another type of separation. It may be temporary, as when someone you care about is away, perhaps only on a short trip. But even when it is you who initiates the separation, the loss can still be upsetting. And minor losses can serve as a trigger, as described last week, that evokes the feeling of pain from past losses.
Sadness is Normal
It is normal and healthy to feel sad and, for a major loss, to have some symptoms of depression: difficulty sleeping, diminished appetite, preoccupation with thoughts of the one you care about, and lessened ability to focus on your usual activities.
Except:
Sometimes a loss produces a surprisingly intense reaction. When this happens, you may wonder why...or you may not even realize that your reaction is disproportionate. What causes this? The sad feelings from all past losses have formed a mental pathway, a pathway of loss and its accompanying sadness, that is evoked when a new loss occurs. The greater the number and importance of past losses, the more painful the present one will feel. One of my patients said, “That’s not fair!” Indeed, it isn’t.
Managing Your Reaction
It really helps simply to identify that your reaction is disproportionate. That causes it to lessen, and to approach a normal response for the situation. But how do you identify that your reaction is excessive? The woman I described last week sensed that she was overreacting to having been abandoned by her cat. But in the midst of your reaction, you may not be able to appreciate that it is excessive. If you use the Emotional Comfort® Tool, it will provide a period of peacefulness and calm; and if you wish for a new mental pathway to help you with your sadness, it will enable you to understand that your overreaction is based on past experiences.
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