An Example
We often realize that we have multiple, contradictory feelings or wishes in our minds. I was reminded of this last Sunday, when an "atmospheric river" visited us here in California. Ninety-mile-per-hour winds blew down trees, power lines and scaffolding around buildings. Flooding caused road closures. Fortunately, no one in this area was injured, but some people had to be evacuated from their homes and plenty of people were inconvenienced. One of my mental pathways felt concern and sympathy for those affected, and sorry that this had happened.
But now, living in the East Bay in California, I sometimes miss the kind of weather that I've experienced in past locations (in the Midwest and East Coast), especially blizzards (as long as I was indoors). As I now heard the rain falling, and especially the very strong winds blowing, I enjoyed the sounds and actually hoped that they would continue. Did I feel guilty for wishing this weather to continue, knowing how many people were being inconvenienced? Many years ago, I would have felt conflicted. But now I understood that I didn't need to feel guilty, because my wish for the bad weather to continue was in a separate mental pathway. I could enjoy the sounds of the weather, knowing that I also felt concern for those who were inconvenienced.
There are Many Situations that are Potentially Conflictual
Schadenfreude is one example, in which you feel pleasure at the downfall of one who has hurt you, but may simultaneously feel guilty because that pleasure is not part of the good self that you strive to be. Feel free to enjoy the schadenfreude, knowing that simultaneously you may feel sympathy for the affected one.
What about the conflict you may feel about doing something that isn't healthy for you, such as overindulging in unhealthy food? Instead of going back and forth about it in your mind, just realize that you have two mental pathways that are at odds with each other. In one mental pathway, you want to indulge; but in another mental pathway, you are aware that yielding to that temptation wouldn't be good for you. Instead of remaining conflicted, or feeling guilty if you indulge, just knowing (even picturing) that you have two pathways will help you decide which is best to follow on that particular occasion. Sometimes it's better to indulge rather than feel deprived. Other times it's better to refrain, and feel the pleasure of mastery.
How to Get Help Resolving Conflicts
In a moment of conflicted feelings or thoughts, it may feel like it's just you, which will make it hard to resolve the conflict. It may not occur to you to think about those two (or more) discrete pathways. You can use my complimentary Tool to do so. In Step 3, wish for a new mental pathway that will be dedicated to helping you become aware of these pathways when you feel conflicted. You can then choose one, knowing that the other is also a part of you.
GET THE COMPLIMENTARY Tool
