And How Can You Change Something You Aren't Even Aware Of?
Unrecognized anger is common because feeling anger directly can feel, and sometimes be, unsafe. There are many ways that it can be expressed indirectly, without one's awareness that it is happening.
Bossiness
Mr. A, a manager in a mid-size business, is disliked by his employees because they find him bossy. He doesn’t consider this a problem because he views them as lazy and in need of direction. He doesn't realize that his bossiness is an unrecognized expression of anger, or that his anger over being mistreated as a child has become generalized and is now his habitual response to anything that he perceives as an obstacle.
Passive-Aggression
Indeed, one of his employees, Mr. B, can appear lazy at times because he is slow to finish projects, especially those that Mr. A is most pressing about. Mr. B's slowness is a manifestation of a passive-aggressive attitude that is his response to what he experiences as intrusions into his autonomy. He isn't aware that his passive-aggressive attitude is an expression of anger. It remains out of awareness because it wouldn't feel safe to express it directly.
Internalization
Ms. C, on the other hand, takes Mr. A’s demands to heart because she is hypercritical of herself. Any demand seems like an accusation of imperfection for which she silently berates herself. When, as a child, her father relentlessly criticized her, she turned anger at him onto herself because it was safer.
All of these examples of indirect expression of anger were originally responses to things that occurred in childhood. They have become habitual ways of responding. They are ego-syntonic; that is, they are taken for granted and not recognized as problematic.
What Can You Do About Unrecognized Anger that You May Have?
An Inner Guide (a special, unique mental pathway that it is possible for you to create in your mind) will help you. An Inner Guide is dedicated to helping you become fully comfortable, and that includes solving even the discomforts that you aren't aware of because they just seem like part of life. You can acquire an Inner Guide with my course, Achieving Emotional Comfort®, which is available at: https://go.emotionalcomfort.com/getcourse
