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We would like to be helpful to our relatives and friends but there are times when we may be uncertain as to the best approach. This may be the case either when they ask for our help or when they don't.

When a Friend Asks for Your Help

What if a friend asks us for a loan? If we can afford to help him, should we? Do we think he wants the money for a good cause? And do we feel that we have the right to make that judgment? The answer is often clear-cut. Yes, we'll help with an unexpected medical bill. No, we won't enable him to buy more alcohol. But what if he wants some help with a new venture that may or may not be successful? Or what if we know that he is typically careless with money?

When a Friend Could Use Help but Doesn't Ask

What if we see a friend behaving in a way that's harmful to herself? There are many gradations of self-harm. We may decide, with others, to have an intervention with her if she's becoming addicted to a substance. But should we say anything if habit patterns of passivity or procrastination are holding her back at work? Or if she repeatedly becomes involved with partners who aren't good for her?

Take Advantage of the Tool

Whether or not you have been asked to help, if you see a need and the decision is not clear-cut, you can use my Tool. In Step 3, instead of wishing to feel peaceful and calm, you can wish for a new mental pathway to help you decide whether, and how, to help in a given situation.

GET THE COMPLIMENTARY Tool

 
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