And Does Your Irritation Linger?
Minor annoyances...when a driver cuts in front of you, when your train is late, when a salesperson is rude to you, when you leave the house only to realize that you have forgotten something, when an appliance breaks...all of these situations, and many more, typically evoke the response of irritation or anger. Then, not only are you distressed by the minor annoyance, but your angry response heightens your distress because feeling angry is distressing, itself.
Anger in Response to an Annoyance is a Habit That is Formed Early in Life
From infancy onward, as we experience each new stimulus for the first time, our minds seek the best available response, which then gets locked in and becomes habitual. When we were infants and young children, a feeling (and its physical expression) was often the only response, because we did not yet have the skills and resources to come up with a better solution. And an angry response to one who is perceived as an aggressor or a frustrater, such as a bullying playmate or a limit-setting parent, will become generalized and will become our response to any kind of aggression (rude drivers, rude salespeople) or frustration (late trains, broken appliances, etc.).
This habit becomes so deeply ingrained that it is experienced as a given. When we respond to aggression or to frustration with annoyance or anger, our response feels very natural to us. We assume that this is the way things are. It doesn't even occur to us that there might be a less distressing response; that we might not have to feel irritation or anger.
Are we doomed to endure these uncomfortable feelings every time we encounter an aggression or frustration? No. If, when our minds register an annoyance, a new, better solution is available, our minds can lock into the new solution.
Is There a Better Response?
For example, when a driver cuts in front of you, or when a salesperson is rude to you, the best possible solution, the true solution, is the knowledge that it doesn’t really matter. Yes, the other person was wrong, but it’s not important. Perhaps you are even aware of this as you fume at the evildoer, yet you can’t turn off your anger. You probably don’t even want to, because it does provide partial relief as it enables you to discharge some tension. But your discomfort remains.
How Can We Achieve That?
But how can we remember, in the heat of the moment, that this other response (that it isn't important) is available? And that it would be a more comfortable response? My complimentary Tool can help. It will provide moments of calm and peacefulness when you are disturbed.
GET THE COMPLIMENTARY Tool
