Do You Feel Uncomfortable with It?
When President Trump came down with the coronavirus, the message in much of the news was that, for those who weren’t happy with him, they shouldn’t feel schadenfreude (delight at another’s misfortune). Rather, they should take the high road and wish him a full and speedy recovery. However, if schadenfreude is one of a set of feelings that a person may have in response to an event, it is there for a reason.
It is an Aggression in Response to an Aggression
If one is the recipient of an aggressive act (physical or verbal), one’s response will usually be fight or flight. Flight is more often the choice when one feels under-matched with the aggressor. Otherwise, a natural response is to defend oneself by striking back physically or verbally, as the case may be.
Schadenfreude is an aggressive feeling, and for those who feel that they have been hurt by another, the opportunity to feel schadenfreude is an opportunity to strike back. It is an understandable response and can be acknowledged as such, as one of a set of feelings. For those who feel it, attempting to deny or suppress it raises their tension level.
An Alternative
If one is attacked physically, the imperative is to defend oneself by either fighting or fleeing. But if the attack is merely verbal, one has time to consider an alternative: to attempt to understand why the aggressor needs to attack. Sometimes this understanding can enable one to disarm the attacker. Or, even if that is not possible, understanding the attack will cause its impact to abate.
For Help with This
When you have difficulty understanding another person, my complimentary Tool can help. In Step 3, instead of wishing to feel peaceful and calm, wish for a new mental pathway that will be dedicated to helping you understand that person’s situation and motivations.
GET THE COMPLIMENTARY Tool
